I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize