His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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