So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
