He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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