so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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