She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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