i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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