So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Less talking, more tequila
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
