i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
