Soap is not a condiment
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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