y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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