He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
