I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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