Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
