my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
