I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
