So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
