this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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