I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
