During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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