Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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