Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
