The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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