I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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