dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
