he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
