Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sex in a hospital.. check
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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