Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
