I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
