so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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