I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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