You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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