She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
