I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
