Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
