Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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