Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
