we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
