At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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