I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
