overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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