I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
