I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
