I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
