Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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