Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
