I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
