Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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