3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your tits are I can't wait for
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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