I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
