He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
bring money and cleavage
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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