I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
