Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
