i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
