His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
