it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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