I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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