exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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