Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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