omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
