well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
