My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
