suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
