this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
