I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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