He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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