I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
