I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your penis caused this!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
