there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
