quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
